Had a horrible run this morning. This thing with my left shin area is starting to irritate. Of course, it could be that I have to get off my lazy rear and finally go buy new shoes. This weekend. Yes, this weekend, when I plan to paint Sophie's room and possibly do the 135 other house things that need to get done.

The run this morning was slooooow. And when that happens, I begin dwelling on all of the things stressing me out. I also started thinking about my next letter. I have some of my thoughts scattered on pages, but nothing organized yet. But I want to get it out within the next two weeks. When I met with Rebecca on Tuesday and I looked down at the fundraising goals they want all of the runners to reach, I sudden;y got anxious. Can I raise the kind of money I did last year? Should it matter? I mean, the goal is just to raise money and awareness, right?

That's not true. Not for me. If my goal was just to raise money and awareness, I'd just run the half marathon. No, the goal is to raise as much as I did last year. The goal is to try and get people to understand how incredibly horrible CF is.

It was ironic that I found the About A Boy Soundtrack on a friend's iTunes list. There's a track on that record that rips my heart out whenever I hear it. For some reason, it was the song I latched on to when Jake was first in the hospital. It was the track I'd listen before I went in to Children's and when I left. I would be brought to tears, crying my eyes out as I tried to navigate Sunset Blvd.

It still chokes me up.

I don't want to lose my son.