Thursday, August 21, 2003

Didn’t run this morning. I was too tired. Opted for some Yoga instead. Yesterday I did 40 minutes. I didn’t run my usual route. I think I pushed myself too hard on Tuesday and I certainly felt it.

Jake is doing better. Though, he has this nasty cough. A friend of mine at Klasky Csupo told me that he had a friend of his pass away from CF recently. She was 25. Every time Jake coughs, that entered my mind.

I’m trying to stop living with this cloud hanging over my head. I’m trying to focus on how well Jake is doing. I’m trying to stop thinking about death and telling myself that he’s not going to die, not from CF anyway. It’s hard.

I want to be optimistic. I used to call myself that, an optimist. Now I live in the NOW. I want to believe that a cure is coming and that he’s going to beat this thing. But there’s this weight sitting on my chest that makes it difficult to believe those things.

I pray to God that this passes and that I can grasp on to the hope that everyone else has. For now, it’s just about getting through the day.

Listen to me, what a poor little baby. I’m not the one with the disease.

Positive thoughts.

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