Wednesday, October 15, 2003

So I'm still in shock over last night's Cubs game. Having grown up watching Cleveland teams choke in the last minute, I feel for the people of Chicago.

I have switched my running schedule. The morning runs have grown longer and I don't have enough time to run 6 miles and get into work on time. Plus, I really want to help Jules out with the kids on the mornings Sophie has school. They have to leave by 7:45 and if I don't get back from a run until 7:30, well, it places all of the responsibility on Julie and that's just not fair.

I checked in with Robert and he said that 2 days, at 40-50 minutes each will be fine and, of course, the long runs on Saturdays. This is a great relief. I have hit another wall. I hit a similar wall back in late June. I get to a point in which I don't even want to be running and I feel like it's just a labor and no longer a labor of love. I hate having that feeling. The mental aspect is bogging me down, even though I can run 5 miles in my sleep.

So, yesterday was the first day of this new schedule and I'm actually excited about it. 40-50 minutes means I can run my 4-mile route that I have come to enjoy. And with all of the things I’ve learned in the past couple of weeks about the long runs, I am not concerned about running 16 miles this week.

But yesterday's run was hard. Again, it was the mental crap that was weighing me down. I'll be honest, Jules and I had a bit of a row on Sunday night and I've been thinking a lot about what we got in the fight about. I'm not going to go into details out of respect to our privacy, but some of the things she said have really made me stop and look at who I am and how I've been acting. That's one of the reasons I wanted to switch my run schedule.

Even after 10 years, no marriage is perfect. There are always going to be aspects of the relationship that need to be tended. Love is a garden, and it needs proper care or it will dry up and become hard... infertile. As many of you know, it can be difficult. Throw CF into the mix and things get extra complicated. All I know is that I was acting like my parents did when I was a child and I never want to see myself like that again... ever.


No comments: