Thursday, October 02, 2003

Sorry I haven't written all week. It's been a little hectic (mostly mentally). Monday was a strong run. Felt great. Tuesday I didn't run (day off).

Tuesday night I was in a sound mix for "King's Highway" until midnight-ish. I didn't get home until 1:00 am.

The remixing is coming along great and I'm very excited about the improvements. This man I'm working with, Peter Carlstadt, is so awesome that I'm so thankful when we get together because he's doing this all out of the kindness of his heart.

Tuesday was also a mentally crazy afternoon. The layoffs continue here at the animation factory and I really feel that my days are numbered; despite the assurances I have received. With that thought weighing heavily on everything, I've started sending out my resume. I also had an enthusiastic conversation with my friend, Tony Gardner, whom I worked for before coming to Klasky Csupo. He has a big job on the horizon and the timing seemed serendipitous. I was pretty thrilled and called Jules about the prospect of working with Tony again. She thought it had possibilities, but her major concern was the lack of benefits.

I hadn't really thought that one through. Maybe we could get private insurance. Well, no insurance company is going to take Jacob. The kid has a life threatening illness. And the costs for him would be out of this world.

Damn! My first reaction was that this couldn't happen at a worse time for me. Here’s an opportunity to move on and possibly get the filmmaking into high gear. I was pissed. I was so mad about Cystic Fibrosis. And I was defensive when Jules asked me about any other resumes I may have sent out.

Basically, I was being selfish.

It's not about me, you know? It's about Jacob and Sophie and making sure they're taken care of. While it would be grand to go from job to job like I used to and maybe become with that film community again, can I take that risk? Can I mess with our lives like that? The answer is no. I have to make sure they're taken care of right now. While Jules is at home with them, I can't be off switching jobs all of the time.

Yet, if I lose my job here, what happens then? There are scarce jobs out there, especially ones that will pay me what we've budgeted for our lives.

There's an elephant sitting on my chest while I try to figure this one out. Oh, it's not as bad as earlier this year when I was having chest pains (that's another story for another time), but I'm feeling tired from it all.

Jules is looking into California Children's Services as an option for Jacob. We didn't qualify last year because we made too much money. Let me tell ya, that ain't the case anymore. We'll see where that can lead us.

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